I just need to get organized… That’s all! If I can just clear my head and think of one thing at a time, I think I’ll be able to manage it.
First, I need to get another job, with two jobs, I should be able to afford to pay for my parents divorce and have enough left over to buy a new dress and shoes for my friend’s wedding in September.
Second, I need to write my statement of purpose already! It’s been weeks and I’m running out of time!
Third, I need to send some things to my professors so they can start writing my recommendation letters for my PhD applications in September.
Fourth, I need to figure out exactly how much money I need for my PhD applications, so that K. can pay for it and I can pay him back.
Fifth, I need to register for the GRE and start studying.
Sixth, I need to catch up on my Spanish and Russian and start German and Mandarin.
Seventh, I need to start reading all the books on IR and finish most of them by April or May depending on when/ if I’ll be accepted anywhere… What if I don’t get in anywhere… Oh Zeus….
Eight, I need to start working out, so that by D’s wedding, if I have to wear a towel dress, at least I’ll look great!
Ninth, I need to watch two episodes of any series per day ONLY! NOT AN ENTIRE SEASON(S)!! PULL YOUR SHIT TOGETHER M!!!
Tenth, I need to calm down. Everything is going to work out. Mom is going to get divorced and remarried, and I am probably also going to get married, and I will have enough money to pay for her divorce and food/fuel/superficial but I want them anyway things.
Everything is going to be okay. Just breathe. Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry. Wait till you’ve applied for a second job everywhere in a country where you don’t have a nationality and that has low employment rates already and then cry. At least then you would have tried everything and you’d have a good reason. I am sure things are going to work out….