I Can’t Find My Glasses.

– Damn it! I couldn’t find them anywhere and now everything I look at seems out of focus and blurry. I never realized how blind I was till I lost my eyeglasses. I think I left them at home… though I distinctly remember putting them in my purse before leaving, just in case I had to drive us back. Where the hell could they have gone?! God I hope I find them, I really can’t afford to pay for these right now, not on top of everything I have to pay for this month… As these thoughts ran through my head, I found myself sitting at the desk, in the office drinking my coffee, my fingers aimlessly wandering about the keyboard as though lost in their own thoughts… I wonder what they’re missing…

Last night was strange to say the least. Matt had had plans to go out with Alec and I was doing my best to repress how angry that made me. I was all set to spend the night on the couch rewatching for the millionth time episodes of FRIENDS, when who should call but my beloved. Matt was inviting me to go out to dinner with him, Alec and his wife. So I took off my cozy shirt and put on a dress, put on some make up and, because I knew Matt would be late, I made some coffee. It was already 9:00p.m and I was falling asleep.I shouldn’t have coffee anymore… I always say these things to myself hoping that someday they’ll stick. Stupid Anthony Robbins and his stupid squares and the… I should probably take my glasses with me, just in case Matty is too tired to drive on the way back. As I was putting my glasses in my purse, Matt called. He was here.

For the past few months, Matt had been talking about finding his own place, and I was happy that he was getting some independence. In Lebanon, it’s not very common for the child to leave the house, except  when they are married, and even then they move near their parents. So this was really huge for him. The problem was finding a place, rent was really high, especially if you wanted a nice place, and Matt, though financially comfortable, still had a considerable amount to pay. He had told me that he found a small one bedroom apartment near the highway, it was a little expensive, but this was the price range.  Even though he was sharing this information with me, I had been with him for 5 years now, and I knew him well enough to know that he would do anything he wanted to do, no matter what I said. But I didn’t want to be negative, so I gave advice as though it would be useful.

When I got into the car with Matt and he was extra loving and sweet, I knew, he rented it. He always liked to surprise me with things, like with the dogs and the car and… I hate surprises, and he keeps surprising me. Of course, I was happy that he finally found a place and seemed to like it, but for the brief moment, right after he told me, I was scared. Matt lived 10 minutes away from my house and now he was moving away. This would change things… Dinner was pleasant, I smoked and drank, though I never smoke and swore I wouldn’t drink. But this whole Matt moving into a quasi bachelor pad really bugged me.

The next day was a Monday and I had work, I woke up with a hint of hangover and a sore throat, looked through the clothes scattered on my bed and as I was late, hurried out of the house. I looked everywhere for my glasses and couldn’t find them, I didn’t have time for this. I just left. I got to the office, my headache already settling in. Everything I saw was blurry, the hangover, the lingering tast of chicha in my mouth, the move, everything, it was overhweling and it all bubbled up into me being angry. Angry on a Monday, great now my whole week is ruined! Where the fuck are my glasses? They weren’t in my purse and I took a different one today… I should send this e-mail…are they in my car? . It was 7:00a.m now, I’d have to wait till at least 9:00a.m to call mom and ask her to look for them, and who knows if she finds them?! My hand slipped into my purse looking for some Advil, when suddenely, I felt something… the glasses.



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